Stefan

Winter was coming. Stefan knew he had to get ready. Life was no joke when Winter was here but before he could make a plan ‘knock knock’ came the banging noise and he froze. He couldn’t move, ‘what if it’s her?’ he thought. ‘But it cannot be’ he said out loud than ‘it’s too early’ he added in thought. The fire was crackling in its usual place.

After calming himself heating up actually as he felt for a second before that the blood froze in his veins he moved slowly at first. His heart begun to speed up to its normal rhythm but then continued to pound heavily on his ribs ’ what if it’s really her?!’ Before he could answer the door answering his concerns also the visitor outside knocked again much milder at this time but Stefan froze never the less. It is winter he admitted and feeling more ready he slowly defrosted, dispelled first his lisp enabling him to talk before she would knock again.

The fire was vivid still although it made sure not to make too much noise and started to show signs of unhappiness frustrated with approaching Winter. ‘Don’t knock again!’ Stefan shouted in the most demanding tone he could command, that most in this world would have fallen on the ground whimpering and shaking on hearing that voice. ‘Please!’ he added much milder. Stefan warmed his heart with thought of past and future happiness and begun to move again. He made for the fire that looked threatened and uneasy, quietly frightened. ‘I will make you a deal’ the man said reaching with his hand to grab the coals from the middle ‘your heart in me will keep us both alive’ he added and with that he stuffed himself with the hot coal swallowing most place look abandoned.

‘Come in!’ he acclaimed towards the door and the warmth of his voice would have melted the arctic ice should it have heard. The door opened and Winter entered. The remaining coals of the fire in the kitchen died out instantly. Stefan’s lips turned blue although gathering the strength of fire from within he managed to speak ’I welcome you in my house winter’ he uttered. The windows filled with wonderful patterns of ice, the water froze in the cattle and humidity in the air built frost on the walls as Stefan’s lips turned ever bluer. ‘How can I be of your assistance’ he asked with chattering teeth concentrating desperately on the absorbed heat inside. She came a bit closer from the door and with a friendly smile that could freeze over the Caribbean Sea she reached into her cloak pulling out a book handing it over to him. ‘I just dropped in to return you book Stefan’ she said expected him on reaching for it as she hasn’t placed it on the table or back on the shelf. He looked at the title that read ‘Warmth of Friendship’, wondering for a short second.

***

Silence commanded the courtyard and it spread everywhere, from the cracks of ancient stone slabs to beneath the roof tiles, through the half open doors of buildings. Like a misty fog in the morning, silence lay on the land and nothing dared to move, nothing dared to appear alive the slightest. The world became a seemingly infinite stillness. At some point wind came to stir things in the courtyard solely for her selfish joy but even that wind slowed quickly to a slightest of light breezes and when picking up a leaf from the ground realising the mistake she put it down carefully. Silence was unchallengeable but none would have gathered the courage nevertheless.

Looking out the window Stefan could see the reflection of his pale, silent face and the wind’s pitiful attempt beyond the glass sheets. He stood there lengthily uneasy about turning around, facing his guest. He missed noises. He missed hearing noises and he thought he could only imagine them now, remembering. Sometimes he knew he could hear the past, the monks chanting in the tiny cells that are now used as storage rooms, the peculiar noise their slippers make on the corridors and in the halls. He was even forgetting those. Something will have to be done.

He turned away from the window and looked at fire. It was calm licking and eating wood gently. It made Stefan smile. He liked fire though and he liked it as a reliably lively and noisy friend always. Now it was out of place mesmerized the same as everyone and everything else around. Stefan decided on breaking the silence and offering some tea to his guest. After all, it seems that the house, the yard was dying slowly under the weight of silence.

Turning to speak facing him sitting in the armchair next to the bookshelf browsing quietly a book on friendship he came to borrow Stefan realised that he cannot move his lips. He couldn’t move his fingers to scratch his skull. He couldn’t break silence. He was lost. He turned back to the window desperately trying to figure out what to do searching his memory for sounds. He thought he could remember or even hear fire sighing in a disapproving tone. That thought filled him with warmth and made him smile again just as his view reached the tree standing on the yard. An old oak that looked comfortable yet defiant. An acorn fell from its highest branch and before anticipation could build it hit the ground with a crashing thunder that shook the ground and the walls. Causing a chain reaction it sent an old roof tile to its shattering end on a granite slab. Stefan turned around again ‘You must go now!’ he demanded louder than intended shaking books off the shelf then added much calmer ‘you will send it back when finished reading.’ As he finished this sentence the cattle started whistling and a bird landed on the window seal just behind Stefan bursting into an unearthly song about friends and nests. Silence didn’t look up. He closed the book and made himself scarce quickly as he appeared.

***

Stefan opened his eyes and the room slowly came to focus. He was sitting in an armchair in the corner. There was a bed, a small table with a chair, large amounts of paper and notes on the table. There was a great wardrobe and a shabby rag on the floor. It seemed to him this was a bedroom as he led his eyes slowly around the features then he realized this was his own bedroom. A book was lying on the floor, he dropped it when he fell asleep reading. It was hard to remember now what was it about. That was before the dream and everything before the dream was blurry now, everything seemed insignificant.

It felt as if this dream was more than just a dream, more than a vision. He became someone else while his consciousness left the world and he was aware that a part of him remained there. Wherever there was. Should he close his eyes would he be there again? Standing in the queue chattering to her friends, ordering a strawberry ice-cream? ‘What on earth a strawberry is?’ he wondered. He could not have imagined that taste before.

He wanted to go back, see what would happen next so he leaned back comfortably and closed his eyes… Nothing happened. Nothing at all except that he realized his hunger in his own body, in his own room in his own reality. He stood up and walked downstairs to the kitchen looking for something that at least would remind him to the wonderful taste of strawberry ice-cream.

***

My hands are grabbing on wet grass. I am lying on my back and although I feel my raincoat kept my upper body dry I feel my trousers are soaked. I wonder what happened, why am I holding on so tightly to grass? Is it going to stop me from falling further? How? Am I falling? Can one fall down once fallen on the ground? Thinking about it I come to conclude that is not possible, not with a high probability at least yet somehow I am reluctant to let go. I wish I wasn’t because my fingers are getting cold and I really would like to put my gloves on. I can see after a while that it isn’t gonna happen so I change my focus to my legs which just started shivering. I pull my knees up thinking that as long as I keep my legs off the ground touching only with my feet I will be fine forgetting that my trousers are already wet. When I move my legs I find out my head is really hurting. I move it and yes, I must have banged my ears on a stone. I turn my face to the sky resisting the impulse to touch my ear feeling for injuries, blood. I could not let go off the grass. I am afraid now to do that.

The fear surprises me. I wasn’t aware of it at first. I thought I was just being silly after falling but it seems I am seriously silly now. Trying to relax I put my attention to examine my environment, a forest. It is autumn with the wonderful burst of warm colours that surround me and cold rain that’s falling on my face while I’m looking at the leaves. I don’t know what to do, I want to shout but when I open my mouth I hear no sound leaving my lips. I feel no resonance of words. Eventually I feel my body starting to shiver in the cold and there is nothing I can do to stop till eventually it passes and finally I remain motionless. I am happy to be like that although the fear hasn’t left me and I became trapped between the choices of letting go of the grass trying to stand up while possibly falling even further or slowly letting my body cool down till it will be too late to do anything about it. I cannot decide for a long time and when finally I have given up all hope I hear a dog barking then sniffling around. It appears in my site briefly to smell and lick me then disappears again. It runs off and I hear the barking just as I try to say or shout something, anything but no sounds leave my throat. I hear steps in the undergrowth and voices of two or maybe three people talking excitedly then darkness falls.

***

An immense calling of bright light makes me feel weak and shivery as if I had no strength in me to resist. It’s stranger than any force I have ever encountered. I feel, I sense that somehow this bright, blinding scorching light at the end, at the calling is good. It will not be harmful I know already yet something isn’t right. Gathering my strength to resist it I buy myself some time. This is all I have left. Nothing else, nowhere else to hide. My sense, the entity I call myself, Stefan will be gone when I run out of will to resist falling into it.

It’s a white light and I know I had it good. I can remember fantastic adventures battling demons, people, creatures of all sort gathering for evil and the occasional pixie of course. I always come out on top. My allies will have to fight on taking only my memory on their side into battles yet to come. Bob, the funniest dragon I know and the little Tobi we found orphaned hanging onto an orange chair and a door handle after several islands collapsed into the sea in a bay somewhere south will be fine after a while. They may need some time I know. We raised the little dragon which has had its challenges. I would miss them both should I remember once I’m gone.

The light is calling and I let go of resistance, I fall…‘Ashley?’ I open my eyes a bit, just to see something especially that the lamp hanging from the ceiling is too bright straight in my eyes, probably an energy saving with its typical scorching light burning one’s eyes out. Eventually I get somewhat used to it and the room slowly comes to focus from a blur into walls, furniture and ‘Mom’ I look to my right where I sensed her standing next to my bed. We are in a small room with pealing whitewash at the top of the walls, warn out old furniture and of course the nasty lamp. ‘Ashley!’ she repeats ‘I was so scared!‘ Her voice doesn’t suggest otherwise ‘…when you didn’t come back. We went to look for you.’ Her voice dies away and she breaks out in tears while I feel strangely inclined to comfort her. It’s weird, she is my mother and I lie in this suspiciously odd hospital bed. ‘Don’t worry mom.’ reaching for her hand I realise I’m grabbing onto something. I open my fist to take her hand and I feel the grass I must have been holding onto since they found me. I cannot remember how I came to grab on grass so hard that they just left it in my hand. A little bit concerning but I tell her hoping to sound reassuring ‘I will be fine.’

***

It is getting dark. Night has come and it seems everything is ready. I breathe slowly sitting on an anthill anticipating that is to come. The owners of my mighty seat are long gone like everything else that can move in this forest. The presence nearby filled them with fear. I sense Roden moving next to me. I feel his tension and I smell the adrenalin in his blood, his hand gripping his sword.

It’s time I say and looking at him I see the fear in his eyes. Everyone knows the plan, let us begin.

Wait! Roden grabs on me, the leaves are whispering in suspense.

What is it?

I am sure it shan’t work Stefan. We will die in vain.

It will. It has to work dear friend. I say, resisting the impulse to use magic in my voice. I rise from my rest oblivious to the single ant, the guardian of the colony left behind climbing on my cape now quickly moving upwards. Leaves rustle behind us.

The men are ready captain.

I know. Wait for my signal.

Aye Sir.

We move towards the dark opening in the rock. Our steps are quiet, twigs, and needles of ancient pines help us gently to move our feet without letting up noise. A blue star appears right above and my signal tells the men…

Continue please. What happens next?

Many things happen.

I’m listening.

I don’t want to, too quick when it all happens, all at once and NO!

Breathe slowly. I count to 3 and you will experience time much slower. You will then recount everything that happens.

Ok.

One, two, three

I am standing slightly to the side of the clearing outside the cave. My vision is limited.

It’s weird to be a dandelion. What if we are stepped on?

Quiet!

I’ve never heard men scream in such way, not without using magic intentionally. The rocks tremble while the earth shakes beneath their feet. Mighty arrows fly into the darkness finding and igniting what lies inside. The first group of attackers disappear into the tunnel their battle cry echoed as they charge to their death. Generations will remember them in songs performed in village halls and mighty royal banquettes, tears in the eyes.

It has awakened. Angered for waking him it’s coming. The semi circle of men shoulder to shoulder waits for the beast and when it appears their mighty cry is merging with songs of fear. Passing us the beast makes to break the circle and it is our time. Roden and I rise I halt the beast in its move, I scream so that the sky darkens, the stars hide

Now!

Roden strikes for the heart with precision. It should be dead instead he moves and makes for the soldiers picking them out one by one while we try again and again with two swords now. Men are running back to the woods and the monster is turning on us, on me. Roden drops, I cannot look why while dodging a mighty tale swinging at me I freeze. It’s called. Bizarrely cold. It’s like being dead. I am. So it feels cold to be dead.

It isn’t uncommon to experience death in dreams Ahley. I will count to five. When I finish you will be back in this room, rested, relaxed and comfortably warm… one,

No! We aren’t done here.

Stefan! I hear this faint whisper.

Who is it?

It’s me, Winter.

What are you doing?

Remember Stefan. Remember the fire you have eaten long time ago? It’s still inside you. I feel it every time I think of you.

And so there it is. I concentrate attempting to merge with it becoming fire so I can move even in such presence of hers.

You need to hurry. The beast is strong.

You are not helping! Saying this I realise I am moving again, alive with fire and eager to finish this before it’s too late. Before she tires and all my men will die. How long do I have?

I don’t know. The beast is strong. Hurry! Inside!

I understand. The heart we were looking for unsuccessful is not in the body we fight. I run and fleeting hope fills me. The cave turns into darkness, the torches haven’t lived long enough to even their target. I find them lying dead beneath bodies of the charging men unsuccessful in their attempts. In the darkness the element of fire brings light through me. I see clearly although I fail to brighten the cavern. I see however its vast emptiness and loose hope the same before Winter came. How will I find it?

It’s under the floor, in the rock.

Who are you?

I am ant.

Right. Do you know where? About twelve steps directly ahead. Stand there, you will feel.

I move to the spot and unmistakably feel the presence of the beast just under my feet. I raise my staff readying to crush the stone open but such pain grabs my head I cannot stand on my feet.

DON’T

Why not?

It will kill as both. Think.

Think! I have not time for riddles!

Till you strike at the heart be careful. The beast will feel, it will come, Winter won’t hold it.

I raise my staff and touch it gently to the rock melting it under my feet. You are safe in my ear ant.

I reach for the heart and grab it with two hands while let go of the staff leaving it to float in the air about a feet away from us. I exit the cave not a moment too soon. It’s not long before the monstrous prisoner frees itself. I gently put the heart down and draw my sword to strike. It tips and rolls to its side before falls off the rock. I adjust my move and strike while its waken owner strikes for me. I hear her cry my name.

I’m freed from underneath the body. It was just an inch too slow although he nearly took me to my death with him. It’s dead weight. I’m alive. We are. Winter is gone, only some other time we will thank her. The men are relieved, joyful. Roden is dead. We haven’t left the forest before a song from the ranks of soldiers brings tears to my eyes.